Saturday, March 12, 2016

Misery at Miu Miu Fall 2016 Milan Fashion Week

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"Hi my name is Rex and I work at a gas station near you. I'm as smooth as my greasy hair."

Unfortunately, this was the opening look for the Miu Miu Fall Winter 2016 runway show which ended Paris fashion week on an all-time low.

When Vogue's Sarah Mower quizzed designer Miuccia Prada on what Miu Miu is about. Her response was astonishing.

 “Dressing with what’s left. Nobility and misery!” 

Ironically, the businesswoman who took over the family-run business since 1978 was joking.

Miu Miu was supposed to be fun and exciting but perhaps they hit the nail on the spot for teenagers who want to dress really bad nowadays as they try to unravel their present by taking bad references from the past.

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"Excuse me madam, but you are leaving with the dinner table top." - waiter at a high-end restaurant

Probably quite as embarrassing as leaving the washroom with toilet paper stuck on your outfit, the giant, what-was-supposed-to-look-like-a-bow, seemed as awkward and out-of-place as the lace collar and musty carpet-inspired tapestry belt on a standard denim jacket.

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How did they manage to photoshop supermodel Edie Campbell's waistline away?

It is quite impressive to achieve the effect of looking like you have no figure even with a belt cinched above one's waist. We can only blame heartless layering and unflattering, cropped pirate pants for this one.

Last season's Gucci furry slippers were quirky but kinda cool. This season's furry slippers by Miu Miu looked like a cheap fetish item for the bedroom of 12-year-olds.

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"Help help, those hideous collars just won't disappear!"

The model's expression really sums up the same expression a grumpy old English maid would have on her face wearing such an outfit - tweed, velvet upholstery and an awful clown-inspired ruffle collar.

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"Hi, my name is John." Even supermodel and social media sensation Gigi Hadid could not save this one.

The Miu Miu coat looked like a carpet from any European castle which was heavily adorned with silver embellishments and iron-on patches to make it look "unique" and "exciting" instead of "Salvation Army" material.

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"I am the lady that makes your tea and tea cozies as well."

If wearing pillowcases and sofa covers from medieval times are the next cool thing, you can definitely count us out.

The Verdict
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"Quick, let's make a run for it!"

Miuccia Prada's collection looks as dreary as the current economic times.

Even with a runway collection exuding some serious old lady vibes, we bet even 94-year-old stylish grand dame Irish Apfel wouldn't wear any of these runway pieces unless she owes Miuccia a really, really big favour.

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Thursday, March 3, 2016

Chloe Fall Winter 2016 - Parisian Hobo Rising

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The long-awaited Chloe Fall Winter 2016 runway show, what was supposed to be one of the biggest highlights of Paris Fashion Week had an awry start when Vogue Japan editor Anna Della Russo was spotted moments before the show wearing an oversized wool poncho with what looked like a floor-sweeping fringe skirt.

Her bizarre outfit that made her look like a massive hippie, patchwork and watercolour stingray complete with jellyfish stingers at the bottom. The sight to behold was indeed an omen of things to come just before the runway presentation.

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A massive common stingray swooped into the room at the Chloe Fall Winter 2016 runway show, missing the model just by seconds.

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Next up, what appears to be an exotic yellow jellyfish creeps up behind a runway model. It was a narrow escape for the model wearing lace curtains and a skirt that looked like bloomers from the 1800s.

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Like runny watercolour on a badly-painted canvas, this hippie inspired look was more hobo than heavenly. The design of the dress also seemed to be inspired by granny's cross-stitching class with bits and bobs of silk haphazardly glued on to form a picture of myopia.

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We were unsure if the wisps of synthetic cotton-mix hair-like fibres on H&M's faux fur coats looked better than Chloe's only colourful runway show-piece. 

The shaggy coat left us undecided whether it was made of colourful mop heads or the Yip-yip yipping alien duo from Sesame Street!

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Wool never looked so bad on a human model. Chloe's over-sized, jellyfish dresses are best for pregnant ladies to cover their blossoming bellies. However, usually there is nothing romantic or elegant about pregnancy or pregnant women.

If you like to wear dull old carpets or rugs, Chloe's Fall 2016 runway collection will give you the instant "From riches to rags" look so you can look like a true Parisian hobo.

Image source:, WWD, Vogue Paris, V magazine